Happy Father's Day, Papa!

Dear Papa,

Today is father's day and I miss you so much. Earlier, I used to mock the tradition of father, mother, and other such days. But today I cannot help feeling sad about not having you around me. Your fatherly figure, your smile, your voice, your presence, your ideas, your teachings, your virtues, and just about everything about you was so good, so true, so pure, and so virtuous that you being no more is too surreal to be true. It's been a year since you have been gone and I am getting to miss you more and more every single day. Somehow life has been very unpredictable and disorganized since then and I just don't seem to get back on my feet. Things keep getting twisted and complex in one way or the other. I keep regretting my decisions and keep wondering what you would have done or suggested to do instead. My practical guide and my moral compass are completely missing and I don't seem to be able to think straight. I have also been realizing that I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems, someone who would understand and empathize with the way you did all these years. But coming back to father's day, I had a pretty interesting day today with lots of thoughts coming to my mind.

First of all, I could not help but appreciate the precious moment between father and children. My kids were so excited and they gave me such amazing gifts today. I made extra effort to spend the time with them and make their day special in the little ways possible. We rode bikes, made lemonade, went to the park, played football, baked pizza, and did a whole bunch of small talk. Both Aakhya and Aashya are now chatterbox and they love spending time with me. I was so glad to spend a quality Sunday with them and could not help but wonder about your emotions and feelings whenever you got a chance to spend time with Jiji and me.

Second, the unpredictability of life doomed me yet again in my mind. It feels strange to me how we keep pushing through our lives without knowing when it will all come to an end, just like that, and then nothing is going to matter. Nothing at all. After that, we turn into memories to remember and wall pictures to stare at. Like a vivid dream that gets fuzzy over time. It just makes me wonder what is the whole point of everything. I know this sounds very negative and defeatist, but it does make me rethink our lifestyle that is so consumed in daily pleasures without looking at the big picture.

Towards the end of the day, ironically, I began thinking that perhaps I worry too much. You did not raise me to be a scared and diminished soul, but rather to fight out the best and hit the nail on the head. You did everything in your powers to make us chase excellence in whatever we do and to think of ourselves as any less would be insulting your upbringing and your whole life's worth of struggles and progress. Rather the better way of looking at myself is a solid product of great ideas and principles and to build on top of them and take me to the next level. I should not be shy about being bold, ambitious, unapologetic, and just being myself in everything I do and seek out.

Finally, I yet again realized the importance of making more friends and more relationships that are lasting and that could help tide through the waves of life.

To conclude, father's day was yet another reminder of everything that you stood for, Papa. Your values and your principles will always be the guiding star of my life and I will do everything in my power to make you proud, today, tomorrow, and every single day!

Yours,
Udit